This is Real Life
I went to Chicago last weekend. It was invigorating. The wind in my hair, the sun on my face, the shopping bags in my hands...I had big plans.
My husband and I went with one other couple for our four day trip. Most of our plans involved being outdoors so I had been watching the weather like a hawk. When we arrived on Thursday, it was brisk but that was supposed to be the coldest it got the entire time. That was comforting since my spring transitional pieces are fairly lacking. You have to understand that when you live in the deep south a lot of fashion's spring and summer styling tips do not apply. Our spring lasts about 1 month before we enter into the depths of hell. I don't need a whole lot of clothing to take me from winter to Congo rainforest season.
On Friday, we were to go to a 1:00 pm Cubs game. The sun was bright and warm while we waited outside of our brunch spot. I was feeling confident in my decision to not grab an extra layer like Mike, my husband, suggested. I had on a long sleeved denim shirt, white jeans, perforated slip-on sneakers and was perfectly comfortable.
Before we dived into our food, I covered every inch of my white denim jeans in napkins. I have a tendency to be a bit of a stained disaster when it comes to wearing white (my mom wouldn't allow me to have white Keds growing up for that reason). These white Paige Denim jeans had been given to me by Mike on our anniversary this past March. To be clear, I picked them out and he just clicked "proceed to checkout". The first time I wore them I went to a birthday party and sat in guacamole. Of course, this was unbeknownst to me and I waltzed around for two hours with avocado speared on my rear. Classy. And why didn't anyone tell me?! Perhaps I need new friends.
Anywho, so back to the brunch in Chicago. I was a bit paranoid about staining my white jeans again since it did take me about 5 different spot treatment rounds and 3 runs in the washer. Who knew avocado was so stubborn? Good news, I had successfully made it through my meal. I threw off my napkin in celebration. As we were waiting for the waitress to return the debit cards, I noticed Mike left a blackberry on his plate. I reached over and said "no fruit goes uneaten". As if in slow motion, I watched the fork leave his plate and come back to me while a single, black drop escaped the blackberry and landed on my pants. To make it worse, Mike says, "don't worry....look" and proceeds to flick it off. But it wasn't a seed like he thought and it created a decent sized smear. Perfect. I stared at that spot for a solid 45 seconds before I could even jump into action. All the possible stain treatments ran through my mind...club soda, hairspray, water, red wine...WHAT DO I DO??
I used water. Mostly because that was all I had available to me. I then walked quickly back to the hotel to buy stain remover from the gift shop. They only had Tide To Go so I snatched that up. Remember that brand because that will be important later. I ran back up to the room and had to change into black pants for the day. I laid hands in prayer on those jeans before running back out the door.
When we arrived at Wrigley Field and walked to our seats, I realized we would be sitting in the shade the entire game. I hate being cold. Hate. That is why I moved to Florida from Illinois. I don't want to be cold and I was cold as crap. I tried to suck it up but by around the fifth inning I couldn't take it any more. My hands and feet were little ice cubes and I was using my purse for warmth.
Although my feet were coldest, my hands were the real kicker so I went in search of mittens. Oddly, not many people sell mittens in May. Weird. They did have some gardening-looking gloves but I can be cheap and there was no way I was spending $20 on ugly gloves I would never wear again. Therefore, the obvious choice was to purchase some knee high socks and wear them as elbow high gloves.
I'm just happy to be here.
Guys, let this be a lesson to you. If your husband thinks you need an extra layer, you probably do and do not get overly confident while wearing your white denim. I gotta say, though, the sock-mittens were a game changer. Speaking of game, Go Cubs! They won 1-0. And remember those white jeans with the impossible stain? I got back to the room and thought I was being punked. No stain. ZERO. Tide To Go is a serious miracle worker. I will never us anything else. Or eat anything while wearing those jeans again.